In my youth, I had never thought to question some fundamentals of my identity even while being a queer black male. I tended to just do what felt interesting. These days I am learning some things about being a cis-male that maybe we know but we do not know we know. Mainly a definite concern with sex and the use of violence. I am not saying sex and violence are exclusive to men, nor do I want to homogenize the male hormone system, nor should masculinity be reductive to the two, but if you hear of a murder, rape, or robbery it is highly likely a poor man was involved. We are an order of magnitude away from anything else in killing itself too.
From CDC suicide data - “The suicide rate among males in 2020 was 4 times higher than the rate among females.
Males make up 49% of the population but nearly 80% of suicides.”
This patriarchal order we habituate is regressive. We should look for a new one. The internet manosphere has a choke hold on radicalizing males in the JBP, Joe Rogan beta to Curtis Yarvin and Andrew Tate sexist-monarchist chad pipeline. Yes, self-care as a means to forging communities or stable relationships are skills we need, especially today. But I have very little to offer my cousin who is dealing with being a flamboyantly gay black man under the status quo. No one sees him the way they see me. That is why I am thankful for Bell Hook’s book The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love. She has led much healing for me in confronting these issues.
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